Dad Bod – the Battle of the Bulge

Well, apparently “dad bod” is a thing.  Who knew? A quick Google search verifies this, and not without some eyebrow-raising results.

Basically when you have other responsibilities in life you tend to let yourself go. You don’t take notice, at least on a conscious level. I recently looked in the mirror and realised that I hadn’t actually looked  at myself in recent memory. The stranger peering back at me resembled a hamster with a peanut lodged in each cheek. I looked down at my belly and hoped that that wasn’t permanent. When did I get a beer belly? In hindsight I did notice the extra “wobble” my stomach was giving me while brushing my teeth, but I hadn’t really spared a thought. I can’t really ise the excuse of “out of sight, out of mind” because technically my paunch encroaches on my peripheral vision.  I blame my kids.

I wasn’t always this way. At times in my life I was actually quite fit. During a particular spell in my early to mid-twenties I’d made it a rule that I couldn’t have a beer or four in the evening unless I’d completed a full workout that day, with said workout being cardio of either sixty lengths of a half-olympic pool or a three kilometre run with an extra kilometre of staggered sprints. All followed by a full deck of cards (see the end of this post for a description). As a result I have never been leaner, harder, or drunker in my entire life, before or since.

Sadly I believe that gone are the days wherein I could lose weight by simply “thinking thin”. I no longer have a metabolism capable of processing a per-meal calorie count high enough to tranquilize a polar bear. and I can’t remember the last time that I’ve run, except for perhaps that awkward skip-trot that self conscious people resort to only when absolutely forced. I also fear that with time and family and my present hierarchy of priorities, holding beer ransom in lieu of exercise is not the relevant form of blackmail it once used to be.

So what now?

I don’t have the time to attend gym at this stage in my life, and I fear that the sheer healthiness of such an institution may prompt my body to spontaneously combust upon entry.

So I scoured and tirelessly researched the internet for at least eight minutes and came across a workout that seemed to fit my purpose; 30 days of HIIT from Darebee.com.  It’s quick, it strengthens core muscles etc etc. Seems simple enough. There are also some nice HIIT apps available on the Google Playstore that time your workouts.

Next I found this video. It doesn’t really have much value in terms of a life-changing exercise regimen, but I thought I’d share it anyway because it’s short and if you’re lazy like me you’ll at least feel like you’re doing something by watching it. It’s also wierd and I can’t put my finger on the reason why.

Dad bod isn’t so bad. I wonder what the Wife would do if I came home sporting a six-pack. . .

She’d probably share it with me.

 

For those wondering:

Deck of cards – assign an exercise to each suite, shuffle a deck, and then go through the entire pack according to the assigned exercises and the number on each card. By the way, this routine is the real deal. Try to have burpees in there somewhere.